MERLOT AND DIVORCE AND DEADLY REMORSE Read online

  Copyright © 2019 by Jodi Vaughn

  All rights reserved.

  No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

  Created with Vellum

  For all those strong souls that I know. This book is for you.

  Contents

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Chapter 22

  Chapter 23

  Chapter 24

  Chapter 25

  Chapter 26

  Chapter 27

  Chapter 28

  Chapter 29

  Chapter 30

  Chapter 31

  Chapter 32

  Chapter 33

  Chapter 34

  Chapter 35

  Chapter 36

  Chapter 37

  Chapter 38

  Chapter 39

  Chapter 40

  About the Author

  Also by Jodi Vaughn

  Chapter 1

  Was I having a heart attack? Or dying of a broken heart?

  I stared up at the ceiling and focused on trying to breathe normally through the prickly pain gripping my heart. Paralyzing fear crawled into my chest and constricted my lungs like a snake.

  I squeezed my eyes shut and focused on things I knew to be true.

  I am Rachel Katherine Jones. I’m a mom, a soon-to-be-divorced woman, and a recently turned vampire.

  My eyes sprang opened at the last thought word.

  Was I cursed? Did I have bad luck? Or was this what fate had always planned for me?

  I flopped to my side and hugged my pillow tighter.

  I didn’t believe in fate or bad luck or even curses. I believed that we were all responsible for the decisions we made in this life. Those decisions sometimes ruined the lives of others. There was nothing worse than having your world turned upside down by the betrayal of the ones you loved the most. It set in motion a chain of events that couldn’t be undone.

  That’s what had happened to me. Someone else’s shitty choices. My mortal life had been ended after a freak snowplow accident, and I was turned into a vampire by my Maker, Khalan, who looked and smelled like a homeless man with a pissy attitude.

  Ironically enough, learning to live as a new vampire wasn’t my biggest challenge.

  My biggest challenge was trying to live again after discovering that my husband, Miles, was having an affair with my best friend Nikki.

  I buried my face deeper into my tear-stained pillow and drew up my knees to ease the pain deep in my stomach. It was an ache that stretched up into my chest and squeezed my heart.

  Would I ever have a day where my heart didn’t hurt? Would I ever have a day where I could smile again? Be happy again? Feel safe again?

  The shrill of the alarm on my cell phone made my stomach plunge.

  This had been the longest weekend of my life. I’d spent the majority of it in bed. But today was Monday, and my two girls had to get ready for school.

  Just because my humanity ended, didn’t mean my responsibilities stopped.

  I forced my feet out of bed, grabbed my annoying phone, and turned off the alarm. I plodded to my bathroom.

  My chest tightened when I saw that there were over fifty texts from various friends and neighbors.

  And only one from Miles: You are making a horrible mistake, you will never make it on your own.

  Fear dissolved into anger. I tightened the grip on my cell phone. How dare he tell me that I was making a mistake? He was the one who’d cheated on me. He was the one who’d destroyed our family.

  I slammed the phone down on the bathroom counter and growled.

  I turned on the water in the shower and yawned. It took great effort to keep my eyelids open. Daytime had that effect on me. I would feel exhausted and yearn for sleep until night fell. Khalan had told me that I would have to get used to sleeping during the day and staying up all night as my body adjusted to becoming a vampire. Although I didn’t burst into flames, the sun did drain me, which made me need more blood than usual.

  I stepped under the spray of hot water and cringed. I hissed and quickly turned the heat down. Usually, I loved a hot shower, but today, my flesh was too sensitive.

  After a lukewarm wash-up, which did nothing to wake me up, I dressed and dried my hair before heading into the kitchen.

  I grabbed a cup of black coffee and took a sip.

  The sound of footsteps on the hardwood floor had me turning.

  “Good morning, sweetheart.” I smiled as Arianna, my fourteen-year-old, walked into the kitchen.

  Arianna didn’t look at me but slipped onto the stool at the island. She tucked a dark strand of hair behind her ear and crossed her arms. She didn’t bother pulling out her phone, which immediately made my stomach ache. Usually, she had that phone attached to her like an extra appendage.

  I knew this was bad.

  “Honey, I know you’re still upset…”

  “Really? Do you know how it feels to be lied to?” She stared daggers at me.

  Actually, I did. Miles had lied to me. About cheating on me with my best friend. In my own damn house, no less.

  “I asked you if Daddy had a girlfriend. You told me no.” Her voice was low, and she pursed her lips together. Arianna’s frenemy, Elizabeth Grace, had told her that Miles was cheating on me. I wanted to protect my daughters, so I told Arianna that it was a lie.

  In trying to protect my girls, I had lied to them.

  I took a deep breath. At least Arianna was talking to me. When I told her and her sister, Gabby, Saturday morning about Miles and me getting a divorce, she’d gone from disbelieving to angry to silent.

  “I was trying to protect you,” I said quietly and sat my coffee on the kitchen island. I pulled out my griddle and gathered the items for French toast.

  “You lied.” She crossed her arms and glared.

  My heart dropped. Arianna was right.

  “Mommy was trying to shield us,” Gabby said.

  I turned and looked at my youngest, Gabby, and smiled. She was upset about the divorce, but she was still holding out hope. Gabby, ever the optimist, held out hope that Miles and I would somehow get back together.

  “Good morning, Gabby.” I smiled. This time, Gabby smiled back. Her gaze went to the griddle, and her eyes lit up. “French Toast. Yummy.”

  After fixing breakfast, I set two plates in front of my girls.

  Arianna picked at her food, while Gabby gobbled hers down. I just stood on the other side of the island and looked across at my girls.

  “We need to talk.”

  “You already said enough,” Arianna stated.

  “What do you want to talk about?” Gabby asked around a mouthful of French toast.

  “It’s about school.” I took a deep breath and tried to calm the butterflies flapping around in my stomach like a sharp-billed pterodactyl.

  “Are we going to have to change schools?” Arianna’s eyes grew wide, and her face paled.

  “I don’t mind changing schools.” Gabby shrugged and continued eating
her breakfast.

  “What? No, honey. You’re not changing schools.”

  Arianna relaxed a little.

  “I’m sure everyone knows by now that you’re dad and I are getting a divorce. I just want you to know that we love you both very much, and none of this is your fault.”

  “But it is your fault because Daddy doesn’t love you anymore.” Arianna’s words hit me like a sharp arrow to the heart.

  My eyes stung with unshed tears, but I blinked them away.

  “It’s not Mommy’s fault that Daddy doesn’t love her anymore.” Gabby frowned at her sister.

  My sweet Gabriella. Always defending the underdog. Right now, that underdog was me.

  “Well, she should have tried harder,” Arianna stated. “She should have tried to be a better wife, then he wouldn’t be with Nikki.”

  “How do you know about Nikki?” The wind was sucked out of my lungs as I stared at my daughter.

  “Elizabeth Grace told me at school. She’s the one who told me Daddy was cheating on you.” Arianna slammed her fork down. “Elizabeth Grace was right. You told me she was lying about Daddy, but it turns out she was right all along.”

  “I thought I was protecting you.” My heart fell, and I looked at the floor. Tears burned the backs of my eyes, but I didn’t need to break down in front of the girls. They needed me to be strong.

  “Protecting us from what?” Arianna jumped up from her seat, her eyes blazing with accusation and anger. “From the truth? You should have told me. You should have told both of us.” She turned and raced out of the kitchen towards her bedroom.

  Gabby slid off her stool, leaving behind her half-eaten breakfast. “I’ve got to brush my teeth.”

  “Okay, sweetie.” I nodded, holding my tears inside. “We don’t have to leave for another twenty minutes.” My voice cracked on the last word.

  “Don’t worry, Mom. I’ll check on Arianna.” She gave me a brief nod and headed out of the kitchen.

  Doubt and nausea rolled around in my stomach. Should I have tried to make my marriage work for the sake of my kids? Should I have just eaten crow and sucked it up for their sakes?

  The melodious sound of my doorbell made my stomach sink. It was too early for the Fed-Ex man, and I was in no mood for visitors.

  I headed into the living room and opened the front door.

  “Rachel! I’ve been trying to call you.” Liz Thomas, my neighbor and one of the members of our wine club that masqueraded as a book club, breezed through the door. As usual, she had on a brightly colored shirt the shade of persimmons in spring, paired with black skinny jeans. Her short, black hair and perfectly made-up face made me feel ugly in comparison. She seemed so put-together, so impenetrable.

  I, on the other hand, felt like brittle glass.

  “Sorry, I’ve not checked my phone all weekend.” I tried not to cringe as she walked in. I wasn’t in the mood for friendly chit-chat. Not after Friday night when she was there to witness me lambasting Miles for his adultery in front of everyone at the country club.

  Now, the whole small town of Charming, Mississippi knew that our life had been nothing but a lie.

  “Are the girls here?” Liz leveled her blue gaze on me.

  “Yes.” I frowned. “They’re in their bedrooms getting ready for school.”

  “I need to talk to you.” She lowered her voice, and my senses went immediately on high-alert. “Is it safe to talk now?”

  “Sit.” I motioned to the sofa, and she took a seat. “It takes the girls a good ten minutes to get their teeth brushed and to gather their things for school.”

  Her blue eyes softened. “First of all, how are you doing since Friday night?”

  Friday night had been the black-tie event at the country club hosted by our town’s elite couple, Mitch and Jilly Roark. The dinner party was supposed to be a starting-over point for Miles and me.

  It was at that party that I had discovered that Miles had lied about it being a one-time thing with Nikki. They’d been screwing for over a year.

  And everyone knew.

  Except for me. The dopey housewife.

  In my anger and humiliation, I’d confronted him in front of everyone at the party.

  I told him I wanted a divorce.

  Something I never thought to say. Yet there it was, out in the universe for all to hear.

  “I had everything that a person could want.” I shook my head. “I’m a stay-at-home mom with a beautiful house, two gorgeous daughters, and a doctor for a husband. I was trying to make my marriage work even though Miles cheated with Nikki. I thought that I was protecting my kids by staying with their father. I thought I was doing the right thing by holding our perfect little world together. I was wrong. I was hiding behind a mask of my safety instead of doing the right thing.” The words spilled out like a waterfall, and I couldn’t take them back.

  “You didn’t go to the girls’ soccer game on Saturday,” Liz said quietly.

  “How could I?” I jerked up my head and gaped at her. “I know what everyone is saying about me, thinking about me.”

  Liz reached over and squeezed my hand. “You are not alone, Rachel. You have friends.”

  “If you were in my shoes, what would you do?” I cocked my head. It was the first time I’d talked to someone other than Miles about the affair.

  Liz took a deep breath and let it out. “Rachel, I have no idea. I mean, I always thought if Michael cheated, then I would leave, but…”

  “But you would still love him. And it would be hard to leave someone you love,” I

  answered for her.

  She gave me a nod.

  “I tried, Liz. When I found out about Miles and Nikki, I honestly tried. Miles told me it was a one-time thing. He said it would never happen again. I was a fool to believe anything that came out of his mouth.”

  “You still didn’t answer me. How are you doing?” She cocked her head again, and I could see the sympathy in her eyes.

  “I’m okay.” I cleared my throat. “I realized the night of the party at the country club that I was living a lie by staying with someone who loved himself more than he loved our family.” I cleared my throat. “I’m going to be okay.”

  “Yes. You are going to be okay,” Liz said.

  “Sorry I didn’t answer your call. People have been blowing up my phone, and I just wanted to be alone.”

  “But being alone right now is the last thing you need,” she said softly. “Why didn’t you tell me about Miles?”

  “Because I was embarrassed.” I took a deep breath. “Usually, I would tell Nikki about my problems, but seeing as how she’s the one screwing my husband, that’s no longer an option. I felt like I was alone.”

  It was bad enough losing my husband, but losing my best friend too…it had been devastating.

  I shook my head. “I was humiliated and hurt and angry. I didn’t think talking to anyone would help,” I admitted. “Enough about me and my misery. What happened after I left the party?”

  “Do you really want to know?” She cringed.

  “Not really. But I need to know. How bad are people talking about me behind my back? Are they laughing and saying I’m an idiot?”

  “I don’t know about that, Rachel. But I do know that when you left the party, everyone was in shock,” Liz said slowly.

  “Because they couldn’t believe that Miles could do that to me? I get it.” I nodded.

  She averted her gaze.

  “I want the truth, Liz. What are you not telling me?” I skewered her with a hard look.

  “They were in shock because everyone thought you knew he was cheating on you,” she said softly.

  My eyes widened and then narrowed on my friend. I leaned in and lowered my voice. “Are you telling me you knew Miles was cheating?”

  Pain slashed across her face. She leaned over and squeezed my forearm. I gasped at the human touch and wanted to snatch my arm out of her grasp, but I didn’t.

  “Don’t lie to me now. I’
m tired of the lies. I want the truth and only the truth,” I said slowly and pulled away from her.

  I wasn’t sure I really wanted to know the whole truth, but I knew that I needed to hear it if I were going to get back any semblance of a normal life.

  I needed the facts for the foundation of my future.

  She looked out the window that overlooked my backyard and then glanced back at me. “Those are new,” she pointed to my curtains.

  I had put up curtains on my tall windows Saturday morning. I needed them now more than ever to block out the sunlight. I just wanted to feel like I was in a cocoon. Safe and protected.

  “Stop trying to change the subject,” I warned.

  “Rachel, we all thought you knew that Miles was cheating. We thought you were just…”

  “You all thought I was turning a blind eye?” I straightened, and my breathing came in quick pants. I was getting angrier with each passing second. “What you’re saying is that all my friends think I’m a pushover who didn’t care about what Miles did on the side.”

  “Rachel, that’s not how we saw it.” She reached over and squeezed my arm again. This time, I did snatch it away immediately.

  I didn’t want to be touched. I just wanted to take my girls and run away where no one knew me. But I didn’t have the luxury of doing that. I had laundry and soccer practice and housework—and no income of my own.

  Liz linked her fingers together and met my gaze. “Not everyone has a conventional marriage. You really don’t know what goes on behind closed doors. I mean, look at Carla and Cal Dennery.” She shook her head.

  She had me there.